Quiet Down.

I knew someday I would feel this way.
But I never thought that it would be this hard.

For 18 years I've never been in a relationship. I don't know what it feels like to have a date, to share such attentions to the one that I adore, to have someone's name in my Twitter bio. And I'm not looking for one. Because, seriously, not having a boyfriend is really not a big deal. I get used to see my friends hanging around with their boyfriend. I feel really comfort for being alone, no jealousy.

But I feel this kind of loneliness..

when you really need someone to answer your question, but you know nobody can.
When you have so many things in your mind, but you have to put your focus on one.
When you got someone that you may have a discussion with, but you don't know how to start it. Or even worse, that you don't know how to tell your problem...
This kind of loneliness, when you're dying to greet a person but you're afraid that you will disturb them,
when you're finally brave enough to talk to them but it turns out that your chat is so annoying. Really annoying that they seems to directly hate you for bothering them.

I never thought that it would be this quiet.
I never thought it would be this painful.

So now let me go through it.
Let me bleed.
And let me heal myself.
As I learn from the wound itself.